May 2, 2025, 2:20 p.m.
Sarah Garwood, MD
Your teen's first relationship can bring up a lot of feelings, not just for them, but for you, too. Whether your child is bubbly and excited about someone they've met, or suddenly spending every waking moment glued to their phone, it marks the beginning of a new chapter filled with independence, vulnerability, and emotional growth.
Teen relationships can be fun, intense, confusing, and sometimes overwhelming. They're often your teen's first experience with attraction, affection, and emotional attachment beyond family or friends. And with that comes a rollercoaster of highs and lows that, at times, may feel all-consuming for everyone involved.
As a parent, it's natural to feel unsure of how much to get involved. You want to support them without being overbearing. You want to stay connected, but not crowd them. You want to give them space, but not disappear. It's a balancing act.
So, what's considered normal and what's worth keeping an eye on? How can you stay present and helpful as your teen navigates their first romantic connection?
They're chatting all the time. Should you be worried?
If your teen seems surgically attached to their phone, constantly messaging, chatting, or reacting to posts from their new special someone, you're not imagining things. Constant contact is typical of many teen relationships today. To them, it's a way of showing interest and staying connected.
But this hyper-connectedness can become emotionally exhausting. If it starts to interfere with sleep, school, or time with family and friends, that's a red flag worth addressing. Rather than launching into rules, try starting with curiosity such as, "I've noticed you're spending a lot of time on your phone lately. How are you feeling when you're online? Energized? Drained?"
Helping your teen become more aware of their own emotional state is often more effective than strict screen time rules. You can also encourage phone-free zones, like mealtimes, car rides, or right before bed, without making it feel like a punishment.
They're withdrawing from friends, activities, or family
It's not unusual for a teen to narrow their world during a first relationship. They may skip their usual hobbies, drop group hangouts, or start declining family time. The relationship feels exciting and new, and sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing that matters.
But if you notice your teen spending less time with friends, quitting extracurriculars they once loved, or isolating with their phone or partner, it's time to check in gently.
Avoid accusatory statements like, "You never do anything anymore," and instead try something like, "I miss hanging out with you—want to watch something together?" or "How are things going with your friends lately? I haven't heard much about them."
These questions open the door without slamming it. Gently reminding your teen of the people and activities that ground them can help them maintain balance without feeling controlled.
Stay curious, not controlling
You don't need to know every detail about your teen's relationship in order to be supportive. What matters most is building a relationship where they want to talk to you when things feel confusing, exciting, or even uncomfortable.
Focus on open-ended, judgment-free questions that invite conversation:
- "What do you like most about spending time with them?"
- "What makes you feel good or safe in this relationship?"
- "What's been challenging or confusing about being with them?"
These questions are meant to open a dialogue. And remember, it's OK if they don't always want to talk in the moment. What matters is that they know they can when they're ready.
Your role as a parent
You don't have to be your teen's best friend. You don't have to approve of every choice. And you don't need to hover. Your role is to be their anchor, the safe, steady presence they can come back to no matter how wild the emotional waves get.
Even when they roll their eyes or act like they don't need you, they're still watching how you respond. Keep showing up with love, consistency, and boundaries that communicate trust and safety. Remind yourself that the goal isn't to control the relationship. It's to support your teen as they learn how to have one.
Relationships, especially the first ones, can teach our teens so much about communication, boundaries, emotional regulation, and even resilience. When parents stay present and compassionate, we give our kids the confidence to explore those lessons with support, not shame.
Coming up next: How to help your teen when the relationship ends, and heartbreak begins.
Sarah Garwood, MD
I became a pediatrician because of the impact pediatrics has on a person’s entire life. If we can help parents guide children toward best practices and teens toward healthy choices early, then their chances of success are so much greater. My husband, Jason, and I share three daughters. Becoming a parent myself has deepened my empathy for children and teens who face adversity. As a pediatrician I am able to channel that energy and work toward improvements. Like any parent, I spend a lot of my “free” time running the girls around to different activities. But when we have downtime, I like to live by my favorite MomDoc tip: Keep track of and limit screen time. Kids will play, create, and engage their imaginations when being "plugged in" is not an option. Sarah Garwood, MD, is a WashU Medicine adolescent medicine physician at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. After completing medical school at the University of Missouri–Columbia, she trained at Children’s and became an attending physician in 2008.
